Failure is not an option

Amy, Emily, Denzel, and Odin in their own words

Every month, in my deep dive series, I dedicate the second week’s newsletter to documenting the subject’s answers to five questions. It’s a chance to hear directly from the people, to learn, in their own words, about the things that are important in their lives.

Usually, I present these questions in the order I asked them without commentary. But sometimes an answer stands out so much that I have to bring attention to it by starting the newsletter with it. That happened in my Pink Umbrella series when one of Pip’s answers showed the depths of their anxiety over the federal government’s messaging on autism.

And it has happened again this month because Amy Hansel’s answers to one of my questions reveals something about who she is that came through loud and clear in all my conversations with her.

Amy has been driven for the last several years in her mission to find a place for her son, Dane, to thrive. She’s traveled to multiple states, looking for housing communities that work for him — an activity that has been instrumental in informing what’s possible, and what needs to be included at Communities of Crocus in order to build a place that truly accommodates the needs of everyone, including those who usually fall through the cracks.

I had asked Amy, “What is the biggest challenge or obstacle in your life, and how do you deal with it?”

Here’s Amy’s answer:

Being separated from my younger son and then watching him be ripped from the place he was in and shuffled around until he landed at his current place, where I am unable to spend much time, if any, with him. It is heartbreaking and has completely turned my life upside down in the worst way possible. I think the hardest part about it is the people involved in making this decision have no idea the enormously negative life-altering impact it has had on my life, the lives of my other children, and, worst of all, Dane’s life. It is very hard to keep going under the enormous amount of pressure I feel, but I have no choice, or I will have completely failed my son, and that is not an option. I live daily with the fear that I will die all of a sudden, and he will be left in the place he is in. It is only the grace of God that settles me to trust that no matter what, he will take care of Dane and my other son, Denzel, who is also autistic and has very much been lost in the chaos of trying to help Dane.

Learning about Denzel and Odin

Amy told me that much of the time she doesn’t spend finding a place for Dane, building Communities of Crocus, or working her day job has been dedicated to reading the books her middle son, Denzel recommends — because, she said, “talking about his books is the way to connect with him.”